Twisted Gopher

On The Road, USA - Burt Wiggins, former over-the-road truck driver, can hardly believe his good luck. Just 3 weeks ago, Burt was dealing with chronic hemorrhoids and popping caffeine pills to stay awake. Now he spends his days ogling his hot secretary and having martinis at lunch. Life is good for Burt.

"It's unreal", says Burt, "I see that 'video professor' guy on tv late one night, and figure what the hell, it probably is time I learn how to 'run the computer' as he says. So I called up and paid my 9.95 for shipping and handling, and in a couple days I was actually using the start menu and windows explorer. It was pretty cool."

Burt was so impressed with the experience, he decided to try out a different cd. "Instead of 'microsoft word', which was the next one they were going to send me, I picked 'international finance, mergers and acquisitions'. I didn't know what it was, but it sure sounded wicked cool."

The cd arrived automatically in 6 to 8 weeks, just like they said - burt had to do nothing, his credit card would be billed automatically.

After just a week of watching the cd a couple hours a day from the sleeper of his cab, Burt happened to be delivering a truckload of lobster to an investment bank. "I struck up a conversation with a dude there, and whadda ya know, here I am just a week later wearing a suit, drinking a scotch, and making an absurd amount of money. Thank you, video professor!"

Burt says now the only problem he has is these cd's that keep showing up every 6 to 8 weeks. "Really, I wish they'd quit. I don't need to know jack shit about excel, my secretary handles all that stuff. And selling on Ebay? Come on, get a life, that isn't real money."