Twisted Gopher

   Fort Collins, Colorado - Jeremy Stevens admitted himself today to "The Watkins Home", a local mental-health facility which locals refer to as 'the loony bin'. Jeremy was, in his words, 'absolutely driven out of my mind' after spending several hours on the phone attempting to help his elderly mother through some e-mail issues with her PC.

"You know that one window that always pops up, that one that I just always close, well that didn't come up today when I was sending a message to my sister Mabel, but maybe it was because your father had been on his tractor forum last night, I don't know." 

That was how it started, says Jeremy, and he knew he was in trouble. "When you get right down to it, my mom doesn't know shit about computers," says Jeremy. "She thinks she 'works on the computer' just like I do at work. Yeah, object oriented programming is pretty close to opening email, mom." 

Jeremy starts twitching when we ask him to elaborate on his support session, so we just took his word for it that it was incredibly painful. "I'm hoping to be heavily medicated for a week, maybe two, and then get out of here and resume my life," says Jeremy, "But for now, I just want to be numb. Just numb."