Twisted Gopher

MIT Labs - Researchers today unveiled a device they claim will revolutionize the energy industry, and severely reduce dependence on foreign oil. Brett Samuels, lead research scientist, describes the project:
"Several of us scientists are at the age where we have teen or pre-teen daughters in school, and one day we were all commiserating at the amount of giggling and gossiping we have to contend with. After a few too many beers and crazy ideas, here we are, 9 months later, unveiling our invention to the world."

Samuels says this is not just pure research without any practical application. "This is a real device", Samuels said, "ready to go to market immediately. Our studies show that with only an average of 3 devices installed in the major hallways of junior-high schools around the nation, we can supply 85% of the country's electrical demand. This should really give a boost to plug-in hybrid development."

Local teens, when told of the invention, were dubious. A 14 year old at Eastview middle school had this to say: "Like, this is totally untrue, this whole 'gossip' thing. Jeannie is the only one in our class that gossips, and that's just because Suzanne stole her boyfriend, Sam, who rumor has it wanted to dump Jeannie anyway. I can't imagine Jeannie can provide THAT much energy. If it's energy you want, tap into Sally, that hyper bitch, I just can't stand her."

Microsoft is rumored to be lobbying the government to block the sale of these devices, until they can demonstrate the benefits of running windows Vista on the box.