Twisted Gopher

Tempe, Arizona – Residents of Sunny Acres retirement community were shocked to learn today that one of their members, 86-year old Charles Swank, has been arrested under charges of attempted murder and insurance fraud. Investigators received a tip that Swank was wooing elderly female residents and taking advantage of their reduced mental capacities. Swank allegedly talked the women into signing over their insurance policies to him, then disabled their scooter brakes. Mr. Swank would then invite his lady to a nearby scenic overlook, where a tragic scooter accident would occur. The investigation is ongoing.