Twisted Gopher

Manchester, U.K. - Magnuss Balin joined a small, elite group today - those individuals so morbidly obese that they are unable to leave their bed.
"I'd just gone to the bathroom," comments Magnuss, "and by the time I got back into bed, I'd wasted a good half hour, and I was breathing so hard I thought I'd have a heart attack. That's when the thought, clear as day, almost as if from a power above, entered my head. That was the last time I'll be out of bed, ever again."
"As soon as that realization hit, a peaceful serenity washed over me. Life was going to be better now, easier. It felt so right, I just knew this was the right decision. I'm bed-bound !"
Magnuss's wife is less than thrilled with the decision. "The broken toilet seats, the steel reinforced couch, these things I could put up with. But cleaning him up as he lies there in bed 24/7? I'm not sure I can handle that. And I bet he'll get even more cranky, probably insist I pump him full of pizza all day long. I hate myself for saying it, but he's kinda turned into a gross disgusting blob since we were married 15 years ago."
Mrs. B. also expressed concern about the future. "I imagine this means at some point, we'll need to have a wall taken down so they can get his sorry ass out of here for some medical emergency. The only wall in our bedroom that faces outside is a weight-bearing wall - that sucker can't just be taken down with no consequences. Do you think Mr. Pizza-vac took that into consideration? No sir, he's just in there beaming with pride over becoming bed-bound. That's just Magnuss though, only thinking about himself."
Magnuss says he may chronicle his new stationary lifestyle in an online blog, if his wife will agree to move the computer into the bedroom.