Twisted Gopher

Wichita, Kansas – “I bet I really would have amounted to something if I had a cool last name like Oppenheimer,” thought James Smucker, 40, as he watched the credits of his latest netFlix score roll past. “It’s not like I’d have to be the atomic bomb guy. I imagine anyone named Oppenheimer does some cool shit. I’d settle for being a movie producer, yeah, that would rock, ‘produced by James Oppenheimer’, has a nice ring to it doesn’t it.”

Smucker, sanitation worker for the city of Wichita, graduated with a degree in journalism, and, in his own words, “Didn’t amount to jack shit.”