Twisted Gopher

Reno, Nevada – Chuck Sherman has a brand new beard, and also a bit of a problem. As is the case with all bearded men, Chuck must become either an outlaw biker, or one of those annoying Mac evangelists that drive the rest of us crazy.
“I knew in the back of my mind when I started growing it that I’d have this decision ahead of me”, says Chuck, “But I guess the reality of it is hitting home now that the beard has come in fully. I’ve always kinda wanted a motorcycle, but probably a sportbike, not a harley. My beard is pretty full, so I think it would have to be a Harley.”
Chuck’s wife isn’t particularly happy with either option. “I realize it has to be one or the other, I mean come on, you’ve seen his beard, it’s a pretty good one. But Chuck doesn’t much use a computer other than an occasional email, and frankly he’s too much of a pussy to be riding a Harley. Plus, neither one is in our budget right now.”
Chuck’s friends are sympathetic to his plight, but have also thought up another option. “We’re proposing he trim the beard down to a tight goatee”, says one friend. “Chuck is totally into these quaint little coffee shops - he can spend all day Saturday just hanging out, sipping espresso. A goatee would be the perfect solution. And really, none of us want him pushing Macs on us; we’re happy just the way things are with our shitty, slow-as-piss windows machines.”
Chuck was last seen on the apple website, reading up on the MacBook Air.